Rolling momentum

14 Apr

However hard I try, whichever techniques I use, I am finding the moment hard to live in. I have everything I could want, more than I could expect. Life is, as far as it ever could be, uncomplicated.

And yet, every morning, I wake to a heart that is beating slightly too fast, an itch in my mind that I cannot scratch. A sense, a knowing, that this is not how things should be.

I remind myself to breathe, slowly in, hold for a moment, slowly out. I listen, smell, feel and look.

It is thickly overcast today and I heard on the radio that in parts of the Emirates there will be rain. The wind is blowing in gusts and right now, out of my window, blowing past, bougainvillea petals, pink and white, and a green plastic bag.

Oh. It has. it really has started to rain.

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5 Responses to “Rolling momentum”

  1. Mindy April 14, 2010 at 10:23 am #

    Rain can make you feel better. I hope it works for you. At least it should be a nice change?

  2. mary April 14, 2010 at 10:41 am #

    OMG I know this feeling of which you speak and of which you write so deftly..

  3. Kate April 14, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    The rain must feel like a blessing over there. I know it does here (we had 33 mm one day last week) – well, it did, until the shed started to flood!

    Thought I’d come out of the woodwork and say hi, we all miss you at Amnesty

  4. blackbird April 15, 2010 at 3:05 am #

    The occasional glass of wine perhaps?
    You have come to a new place in your grieving.

  5. Kate April 15, 2010 at 4:44 am #

    It seems to me that I am programmed to be dissatisfied. Well, that makes sense – otherwise human beings would not have crossed oceans or built cities or invented agriculture.

    That doesn’t seem to be helping me right now, though.

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