Did I tell you I hate spring? And balloons.

5 Sep

I’ve been trying to pretend it isn’t happening for about two weeks, but today I could stand it no longer, and have taken a puff from my inhaler.

And I can breathe. A proper breath.

I have a very tense relationship with this condition. Every couple of years, I go to a doctor, and she (I always go to a woman these days) diagnoses me with asthma and writes a prescription for an inhaler, and I fill the prescription, use it twice and then let it sit on top of the fridge until it expires (expires – geddit?). Why would you do that? I don’t know. I just feel really uneasy about the diagnosis, and don’t like pumping shit into my body.

Now, the thing is, that last year, the doctor I went to did a pretty thorough analysis of things, even getting me sent off for an MRI of my brain. I was feeling very, very dizzy for about four months, which is probably because I don’t get enough oxygen. But she was good and thorough.

Even though I knew there was nothing wrong with my brain, or any of the other things we checked, there’s nothing quite like those square-panelled ceilings with all those little holes which you count while you’re waiting for the radiologist to return, to make you think yeah, but…what if? Is there?

Anyway, that’s an aside, because I tell you there’s nothing in my body not supposed to be there. Nothing sinister and that lump at the base of my neck has gone again now. And so has the other one.

So I dunno. Maybe it is asthma.

I’m going back to the doctor in a couple of days. And she’ll say how are you and I’ll burst into tears because I always do even when there’s nothing really wrong. And that gives me the shits. And my little boy – I’ll have to take him – will say can I have a balloon. And I think I’ve told you, I hate balloons. But I’ll let him have one, because otherwise he’ll chuck the shits, and yes, I know, the key to good parenting is consistency, but there you go. And then I’ll go and fill the prescription for the inhaler, because I’m a bit worried about using last year’s. Even though it seems to have worked.

I’ve got an appointment with my acupuncturist booked.

Anyway, enough about me. How are you?

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21 Responses to “Did I tell you I hate spring? And balloons.”

  1. drew September 5, 2007 at 2:58 pm #

    Me? I’ve been feeling dizzy for about four months. I went and saw a dizzy doctor who’s sending me for dizzy tests where they pour cold water in one ear and spin you around on an office chair or something.

    Acupuncture, you say…?

  2. Pavlov's Cat September 5, 2007 at 3:35 pm #

    Ear? Spin? Oh my God.

    If anyone did that to me they would have to get the industrial cleaners in. I get sick pushing a shopping trolley.

    Acupuncture, you say …?

  3. Pavlov's Cat September 5, 2007 at 3:35 pm #

    Ear? Spin? Oh my God.

    If anyone did that to me they would have to get the industrial cleaners in. I get sick pushing a shopping trolley.

    Acupuncture, you say …?

  4. Meggie September 5, 2007 at 3:48 pm #

    I hate my inhalers too. Flatly refuse to use the long term management drugs.

  5. Meggie September 5, 2007 at 3:49 pm #

    And…tried the acupuncture. Didnt take for me.

  6. meli September 5, 2007 at 3:52 pm #

    um, if the puffer works, use it! i used to get diagnosed with asthma all the time, but the puffer never did a thing. when i was 20, stress was the problem, when i was 10, it was just that i didn’t like sports day.

  7. suse September 5, 2007 at 4:39 pm #

    I’m fine thanks, but busy.

    And you just wrote my post. I suffer from Clayton’s Asthma too, and use my inhaler approximately once every 18 months. I hate it. I hate that I need it (every 18 months). I hate how although it makes me able to breathe, it also makes me jumpy and wanting to climb the walls.

    (Your post was much more eloquent than mine)

  8. blackbird September 5, 2007 at 7:36 pm #

    I fucking hate balloons.

  9. Ariel September 5, 2007 at 10:04 pm #

    F’s baby brother was given a balloon to mouth by his parents at his birthday party on the weekend (F’s) and, unsurprisingly, the baby popped it in his mouth. What a shock! For everyone. (Well, and also NOT a shock at all.) I hate balloons too.

    Swooping magpies are my Bad Thing About Spring.

  10. ThirdCat September 5, 2007 at 10:18 pm #

    drew, if you would like the name of my acupunturist, let me know…I haven’t been to see her for the dizzy, but it’s got to better than someone whizzing you around in a chair – which, if you do want to go through with that whole spinning thing, I could do it for you for a bit of a better price.

    PC, likewise re the acupuncturist.

    I know it didn’t work for meggie, but you get to lie quietly for half an hour. It completely rocks.

    My mum would never write me a note for sports day meli, and I wish I’d thought of asthma. Though she still would’ve made me go (yes, and we lived in a cardboard box in middle of road).

    Swooping magpies are scary as. The mister has already been swooped and spent a day with everyone saying ‘what happened to your eye’.

    And see, there is nothing good about balloons. Facepainting sucks too, but I don’t want to be a complete downer on childhood.

  11. blackbird September 5, 2007 at 11:57 pm #

    Facepainting is the work of the devil.
    Makes me glad mine are all teens.

  12. tut-tut September 6, 2007 at 3:19 am #

    What about a massage–would that help?

  13. fifi September 6, 2007 at 8:30 am #

    Good Golly.

    I had something called reactive airways, which was treated like asthma. When I look back I realise it was pure stress. I developed shingles soon after and I looked like that shark out of nemo: tiny little eyes and a huge fat shark face. Felt completely like crap.

    You might need a swim. Head for the nearest body of water. Wear ear-plugs. swim.
    take care

  14. ThirdCat September 6, 2007 at 9:18 am #

    Massages have never really appealed to me for some reason. Not sure why.

    I’ve been wondering about the stress, fifi, though things are on a pretty even keel here at the moment, even with slivers of excellent news slipping through every now and then. I would need bathers (swimming costume I believe you call it) for that, wouldn’t I?

  15. Zoe September 6, 2007 at 9:55 am #

    Depends where you go and what time of day it is. I always found skinny dipping works best as a surprise for everyone, including you if necessary.

    If it makes you feel any better the baby woke up four times last night to feed, and another three times to poo. Also, I have an emergency dentist appointment this afternoon.

  16. ThirdCat September 6, 2007 at 10:05 am #

    I try not to use other people’s bad news to cheer myself up.

    Three poos. Crikey. And dentist. Yuck. Hope it isn’t a root canal!

  17. Ariel September 6, 2007 at 2:21 pm #

    Mine came home from school with his own facepainting on Monday. He’s drawn a Harry Potter scar on his forehead in permanent texta. Three showers later, it’s still there. SIGH.

    Have to say I’m not a massage fan either, and people always think I’m crazy when they hear that.

    Commiserations on the Mister’s eye.

  18. blackbird September 6, 2007 at 8:50 pm #

    I abhor massages.

  19. seepi September 8, 2007 at 10:15 pm #

    Hmm – annual asthma sounds like hay fever to me….

    which can clog your sinuses

    which can cause the blocked ear canal

    which brings the dizzy….

    Rings true to me.

    but I love my asthma inhaler….

    I think I’m a bit addicted to it….

    nuff said really.

  20. Kate September 17, 2007 at 6:19 pm #

    I too love the inhaler but then there was that time I blacked out in an asthma attack ’cause I couldn’t breathe. Which rather colours ones perceptions.

    I only use it once a week or so but I always have to have it with me, justincase. Like a blankie only plastic and nasty.

  21. Julius July 5, 2008 at 10:50 am #

    I don’t understand Balloons being evil, hate is evil, so maybe the person who hates Balloons is evil and projecting their evil into the object they hate. Flowers shrivel also. I have some Balloons in my Balloon room that are about 8 months old.

    Julius
    The Balloon lover

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